I LOVE MYSELF BECAUSE...
This is a question I ask all of my clients. For many of them, it is the hardest question to answer.
Some will struggle to come up with any answer at all, some will hesitate and then reply with a reason such as “I make a great spaghetti” or “I’m a good mum” or “I’m punctual and organised”. You might find it hard to hear, but these aren’t reasons to love yourself. These are external qualities and strengths you possess.
If instead, I ask why you love your partner, or your sister, or your best friend, the answers are guaranteed to come quicker, and with a more emotional response. “They are always there for me” or “I can rely on them” or “They know me better than anyone”.
Can you say similar things about yourself?
Often, we can focus too much on how we might sound or come across. We don’t want to appear arrogant, self-centred or self-absorbed. But loving yourself isn’t arrogant or vain. Self love is true love. Loving yourself is the foundation for a happy life - and not only because of your inner happiness but also your external happiness, which is also heavily dependent on your self-love. A person who loves themselves radiates much more clearly who they actually are. They own their body. They own their decisions. They truly LIVE.
What would it feel like to love yourself enough to be truly seen?
While both are important, there is a difference between self-care and self-love. Caring is eating your veg. Loving is giving yourself permission to eat cake and not feeling guilty for it.
The ROOTED LIVING principles of Self-love are:
Putting your needs first
Being happy in your body - the skin YOU are in
Looking in the mirror and not seeing every single stretch mark, scar, and extra skin as something to be fixed, changed, and made smaller.
Embracing the imperfections and knowing it’s these that make YOU unique
Trusting the timing of your life and being okay with where you are now; your body, your career, your relationship.
Being mindful, loving, and gentle with yourself and your body; with where you are now in your journey.
Being courageous enough not to hide or be ashamed of how you look.
Keeping yourself at the top of your priority list.
In a nutshell, it’s being YOU and you in your truest form- not the you that you think you need to be but the YOU you really are. You are wonderfully made, you are incredible, you are YOU.
Start with Acceptance
Acceptance is a good place to start on the path to truly loving yourself. You accept your body. You accept decisions you have made in the past that didn’t serve you. You accept where you are right now.
Love is patient and requires that you love yourself fully, which then strengthens your relationships with others. In learning to love who you are, you learn to love your needs, learn to teach people how to treat you, and learn how to balance the head and the heart. Then and only then will you be able to have the equal and authentic relationship that you truly deserve.
This powerful, authentic relationship with the self is the greatest relationship any of us can have. Nurture it. Nourish it. Know who you are inside-out. Enjoy who you are, recognise the reasons you love the person you are and take pride in loving yourself.
A study by the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin showed that utilising affirmations has a myriad of benefits, from boosting performance to improving confidence and increasing self-compassion.
Here are some self-loving affirmations you can use as a starting ground. Read, repeat and BELIEVE.
I love myself because I am strong, genuine, authentic and imperfect.
I am enough. Today I am enough. Everyday, I am enough.
I love the person I am. I am completely at ease with myself from head to toe.
More good things will happen to me because I love who I am and I deserve them.
My life is full of vitality and abundance, and I am open to receive more of it.
I am grateful for the love and respect I have for myself.
If you want to go deeper, try my favourite journalling technique…
Affirming your Real Worth
When I’ve had a blow, something that has shot me down and my worth feels low, this is my go-to exercise. Make a list of your recent triggers of low self worth. For example, if you got rejected by your date or lover, list qualities that make you a great relationship person. For example your list might include, loyal, emotionally available, kind. Or in a work situation, if you didn’t get the job you wanted, list the qualities that make you a valuable employee or good at your job. Now, choose one of the items on your list and journal on this specific quality. Note down why the quality is valuable and likely to be appreciated by other people in the future. Do this exercise daily for a week or whenever you feel it necessary. This gives you just the boost you’ll need to up to anti on self worth.
Something I use with my private clients is a re-programming tool, which actually I’ll be sharing in my 6 week intuitive eating and living programme which launches in January. This is a deeply transformational tool that gets to the root of low self-worth and builds that worth right back up. If you’re interested in this programme, here is the juicy details.
Do let me know if you have any questions and thank you for reading. If you want to take this a step further, why not learn about challenging your inner critic? Read my article here.
I see you. I feel you. I hear you.